Gangbangin' ain't easy

hey y'all, just got back from the streets, because I'm hard. anyways i though it would be worth a note that pretending to be black is not as easy as it initially sounds. I find it quite perplexing actually. I had all the fashion attire including over sized basketball jersey down to a tee in addition to rhetoric of all the hippest slang and lingo this side of the Fraser river. My mother did a really good job on my face paint as well, in fact when i looked in a mirror i was initially frightened by the negro standing there within.

Anyways despite covering all the bases i still, believe it or not, had a hard time fitting in with the local 5th street hooligans. I was threatened, then knocked on conscious and i may have even been raped. Perhaps this is sort of an initiation thing, a hoop you must jump through to be 'one of them'.. I'm not really sure but these goofballs mean business, that's for sure. Maybe i just don't have what it takes to be black. On second thought, that's nonsense! By goly I am no giver upper, no sir, not me! Heck, expect me back on the streets again tomorrow pushing drugs and slapping sex trade workers with my fellow blacksmen.

Oh, and to anyone thinking about experimenting with cigarette dildos be advised, make sure you have your partners permission. things can get pretty chaotic otherwise and could even get a bit dangerous, so be careful out there gents.

A-Dawwwg over and out.

Pragnosis

Sooooooo, im like totally pumped! guess why!....!...


omg no!

Gosh, i don't think you'll like, ever guess it so I'll just have to tell you. but get ready..

are you siting?
While then maybe you should stand because this news will hit you so hard it might just break your chair and i freaking don't want to be responsible for that. Honestly, i just wouldn't be able to afford reimbursing all these people for their damaged chairs and such, i mean some chairs cost like 3 or 4 hundred dollars, plus tax. Even one person claiming damages would cost me around 350 dollars, so sorry 'bout that but i just can't allow it.

But yeah, I'm so totally pumped for this news!!! I told my friend Becky and she seriously shit her pants! I wish i could say this was a clean shit but unfortunately thats not the case, her bowels turned on like a faucet from hell. Not to mention that it just so happened she was attending a wedding at the time of the shitting when i called, so she was dressed all in white, lawl. wrong place and wrong time i guess, but who can you blame? not me, thats for sure, i won't be held responsible for someone not being able to control their bowels, thats just fucking crazy so don't even try it beckster!

Anyways so the news!!! 'god, spit it out you tosser', hehe, i bet thats what your all thinking, i was just toying with yah' but now its time to get to the goods. This is something you won't want to miss so make sure your wearing your glasses if your visions poor and contact lenses for those who are fashion sensitive. Frankly i think glasses can look fashionable too, as long as they suit you, otherwise they can really give an impression that no body wants to portray (except somebody with cock breath). I kind of like those cats eye glasses however, or the black frames that are rectangular; circular glasses are lame though, endless you want to be looking like harry tosser, hahahaha. That was a reference to harry potter btw, the character in the books titled harry potter by h.k rowling. They are basically about this wizarding boy toy Harry and his lovers going on sexual adventures of a lifetime all over the wizarding world, its fucking erotic shit, i suggest you check it out.

anyways back on topic. So yeah the other day, i found out some serious shit and i almost fucking spontaneously combusted, but yeah here it goes. for the last little while I've been constantly putting on weight, you know a pound here and a pound there and i was like wtf but then i was lying in bed jerking off and it dawned on me... i must be fucking pregnant!!!i figure i somehow swallowed a bit of my own sperm during frantic masturbation session and bang 7 months later here we are! A sweet little baby boy or girl swirling around in my stomach and i didn't even know it!!! my guess is that little bugger will pop out in around a month or two and I'm just so happy i can't even describe it. it will be great, when he gets out we'll be the best of pals, ill teach him how to aqua blast, smuggle heroin and kill a prostitute instead of paying her, then when he learns to crawl we can have fist fights and slapping matches. I'll let him drive the car while i scream obscenity's at elderly people on the street. And if he is a girl, i can trade him for a boy and treat him poorly because he is not my real son, the bastard...:D it will be grand. Maaaaaaaaan, we're going to rip on Becky so hard for being incontinent, right to her face, haha it well be good times, i can't wait!!!!!

To children!

fisher transcript

So, i am beginning to suspect that i am actually two people...

Sometimes I will like zone out and when i snap back into it i have like no sense of what the hell I've been doing.. I'll even occasionally wake up in strange places with no recollection of how the fuck i got there..

I don't know, maybe i- i sleep walk or something... but I'll get odd glances from people like their acknowledging something. Shit, I've even had people come up and talk to me like we've met. I have no idea who they are but its weird, you know?

It could be that there is just some asshole who looks like me.. but there is something not right about these people. I don't know how to describe it, i just get that feeling from them.

The man who they confuse me with, well apparently his name is Mr Fisher... i don't know his first name, or i should say, the people i have met who thought i was him don't know his first name. How mysterious.

I guess this could all just be a coincidence, i mean maybe its all in my head. There is some guy out there who looks like me and i sleep walk or have narcolepsy or some shit, but i keep waking up with these god awful headaches.

and the nightmares...

10 things i want to do befor i die.

1. drink eggnog upside down.

2. reenact the entire cats musical in a small children's pool dressed as a shark.

3. un-bury all those paychecks i buried...

4. only have sex with prostitutes that are alive.

5. not get aids (see above).

6. fight a dragon, and come close to winning.

7. dodge at least nine bullets.

8. predict the end of the world. (must happen after i am dead).

9. become a wizard (must be able to cast fire spells). This would probably come in handy when fighting that dragon.

10. build a city out of pretzels and live in it for at least week.

11. marry the woman of my dreams (also made of pretzels, we met in the city i built).

I am reminded of an old mentors advice, 'If you believe in yourself Jonathan, you will succeed'.

Watch the news, please!

I'm going to rant here for a while, so i hope your all in the mood to listen to me bitch.

Ok so lately i am just sick and tired of people who don't listen to / read / watch / or even care about the news. Either they say the don't have time, they've got more important things to do or they just don't care because somehow it makes no difference to them. First of all, i think its completely selfish to think like that, not to mention downright self centered! Second of all, you can learn alot just by knowing what has happened or is happening to others. Take for example Britney Spears and her whole situation ok, groundbreaking shit and right off the bat we have a life lesson. We can easily learn not to get impregnated by one of your dancers because he'll flake off and force you to drugs. Also, we learned its a better (and easier) idea to abort your baby before its born rather then after(much trickyer)! But if all else fails, we all know to flash your snatch a couple times! I mean how many young teen women could benefit from this lesson? Paris has shown us how to have fun and enjoy life, that prison can be cool and fun and that you can still be totally popular (and fun) even though your vagina is gushing with STD's. Still, with these fun, illuminating discovery's being unearthed by the greatest and most powerful people on the planet some continue to plug their tiny ears and go on there merry way.

I mean come on guys, How would we of known that skateboarding isn't gay if it wasn't for Avril eye opening jam 'Sk8er bOi'. And politics guys, politics! how the fucking heck would we know who to vote for in the up and comming election if it wasn't for the celebs guiding us on the coolest running mates of the campaign. And religion oh god sweet fucking god, religion! if anyone knows the quickest way to be snorting holy coke in god's exclusive and elite 'club in the clouds' with shin splinting class, its our glorious and infanitly brave and wise celebs!

Why did Bennifer not work out? hello, they're horoscopes are completely incompatible. Boom! lesson number one thousand. I could go on and on, but we all know this. I want to talk about the people out there in this world today who are completely oblivious of any of this information.

It just, it worries me really, i mean, how are people going to know which brand of tires or cola or eye liner or syringes to use if they don't listen to a word that these perfect god dwarfing beings are saying/doing. How are you going to know what to wear out to the club tonight, if you don't flip open a mag and check the hippest outfits that girls like Lindsey lohan and j-lo are wearing. I mean FUCK, fuck your self to death in the head with a shovel if your so ignorant that you can't even afford to flick on the T.V for a couple hours to check out extra, TMV and E True Hollywood stories. For god sake people, your going to soon realise that you can't function without this basic fundamental information. How are you going to fit in at work when everyone is talking about Idol or new pussycat dolls, and your like 'oh but uhh science this and uhh umm-' and you start drooling like a pile of alligator shit! You don't have guchi? your a fucking looser! Why are you not anorexic, fatty! Talk to me when you have giant glases covering most of your face and i can see your fucking bones, bitch! There is no excuse for anyone in this world (except blacks) to allow themselves the mis-oportunity of being de-educated by NOT watching, listening or as a very last resort, reading, the most important news from Hollywood and around the world (if a celeb happends to be visiting there)!

OH shit, Mischa Barton just farted, gtg!!!

The fifth sun sets in exactly five years...

where will you be...
...for this strange coincidence.

The Cross

Ohh, we humans are such strange creatures. I'll never be able to control the fact that my respect for some one jumps 100 percent if they like mars Volta, or my fixation with drawing or observing Gothic artwork. I can't help that i usually have a natural distaste for most of the people that i meet, or that i will completely abandon the conversation i am having with someone if tool starts to play; even if i have to struggle to hear it over the drunken chatter of mostly crappy humans. And when someone says 'Ive got a Leonardo DiCaprio thing going on' i cant help but be a little insulted as it seems to imply that i am some sort of sub spawn of this famous and successful person. Although to most this would probably be considered a compliment, i cant say it doesn't piss me off a little.

crunch time

After eating two 'quarter bites' apparently from heaven, one cant help but contemplate his cardboard box existence. Staring at countless black and white tiles seems to compliment the rush of caffeine coursing through waterside veins. The glow of a flickering monitor insights epiphanic thoughts to mull through the endless night. Siting in the hollows of eternity, in an empty building and effectively changing ones from zeros and zeros to ones. While this pseudo cruciality clouds any direct experience of life, it becomes quite the cunning contrast to those pure and absolute, complete and indescribable, honest and heart fully compelling moments when you feel more alive then ever.

Reflections and mirrors

It was dark and cold November night. The dead air clung to any life it could find. A pearl moon hung full in the black sky, watching as the stillness conspired. A slight fog crept its way through the spines of tree's. If one followed a particular gnarled branch as it twisted upward, one would see the raven that loomed above. If one examined this ominous bird, its sable eyes might seem to whisper to somewhere far and gone.

Up on the hill side, shrouded by a few frozen willow tree's stood a coal colored house. It was a wretched looking place that stood three stories tall. Its rooftop stabbed towards the sky, its siding peeled from the harshness of the frigid winter air. It would have looked abandoned had there not been a reddish glow emanating from one of the ornate windows on the lowest floor. If one were to approach the window carefully as to not disturb it's occupant one would surely identify the source of the light to be that of a volatile fire in a most exquisite of fireplaces.

The inside of the house looked as though it didn't belong to its exterior. It was furnished with all sorts of elaborate armchairs, mantles and bookcases each looking tediously hand crafted. They clung mostly to the extremities of the large room, leaving ample vancancy in the center of the chamber. The only piece that claimed rest at the heart of the room was a massive throne like leather armchair. Its oak legs coiled down towards the wood floor; they seemed to be reminiscent of talons. Perched atop the chair was a dark and scowled looking man. His long greasy hair spiraled down to his neck and his eyes reflected the devilish glint of the flames. He was transfixed on something. It was an ancient looking leather bound book that appeared almost to heavy to lift. Its tattered pages must of contained some previous occult wisdom. Naturally the man seemed quite aware of this, as he cradled it with the tenderness reserved for a infant.


One can only ponder what profound and perplexing forms of knowledge entranced this man on such a quiet November night. What dark and sinister forbidden truths he searches for in the emptiness of his study. Whatever we may or may not know of this stranger, one can't help but notice the resemblance between the shadowy man in his leather armchair, and the crow, perched curiously in the tree just outside.

osculation

The sun swept rivals
thick draft bouquet
oval diaries welt away
rampant lark decay protest
stagnant hours burn to bless.

The winter noose
afflict new night
strangle lust amidst moonlight
the shadows hung in lurid veil
strangers sifted white exhale.

The pulse of stars
congealing love
the halo's snapping necks above
macabre eyes still lying clear
the chalk was marked to disappear.

Crucify the ego

I rather dislike the idea of writing in a direct nature, whereas i would state my thoughts and experiences of the past moments, then wittingly self critique them to make myself look as though i have all ready conquered any grip they had over me.

I also, however, am starting to tire of the ambient descriptive flood of semi poetic run on sentences that don't offer any relative insight whatsoever.
I'm beginning to face the reality that greatness is quite the crafty white rabbit indeed. There are no short cuts, no cunning devices to catch it whilst you sit and drink lemonade. You must run, and chase and run some more. Until finally that rabbit is tired enough that you can grasp your greedy little hands around it, and fill yourself with the pride you toiled so diligently for.

I am also, however feeling allot more centered and at peace with myself. That is to say, i am not relying on outside sources, whether it be people, objects, drugs, whatever, to satisfy my desires. I am not allowing insecurity's, conflicts, or other 's actions to influence my mood. While, at least this is what I'm attempting, i feel relatively confidant at this point, but we all know there are highs and lows, so I am in no way prematurely boasting of success. Its strange how new environments and situations tend to be quite the catalysts when it comes to way of thought. I suppose at times they're effects could be negative, but i think allot of the time, they have a very proactive effect on ones self, if one can overcome the initial terror they ensue.

I feel as though the road that lies ahead of me is serrated in darkness and shrouded in uncertainty. I am nervous at this point because i have invested so much of myself into something and i know there is no going back. The time has come to chase the formidable rabbit till my lungs cave and muscles ache. The fear that seems to resonate is of course, that of failure. This doubt and lack of confidence could very well consume me. I must let the ego go, and live in the present, and do as i must do. My life has shifted quite drastically in the past few weeks and I don't believe an inner realization could have come at a better time.

I'll Thank the ravens.

The sun met the moon.

The sky stung with a rose blush laying gusts of dehydration as it beamed. Alley ways lurked with seduction. Remnants of the fleeting years lay nested in the corners of pavement frozen in neglect. One could hardly notice those peeking eyes that stabbed from the corner of a window where the curtain hung partially lifted. Those peering eyes stalked me as i passed through the street below. A spell of curiosity had consumed me and i glanced back to see those eyes, still fixated on me.

I felt a strong violent urge gag its way to my blood as my muscles tensed. My pulse curdled as i clutched my fists so tightly that my nails began to peirce the palms of my hands. I had to lift this curse. I would no longer be burdened. I would now eclipse life or die myself, lonely and with the heart of a failed man.

Softly, The air huffed and i was lifted back down. The anger subsided and my breaths lengthened. I was choking on vapor at this point, it being dense like tar, my lungs heaved as i exhaled. I needed sleep to pacify this inhumanity before i was wholy consumed, before death thickened the air even more then allready so.

Shudders cracked at my spine. My neck twitched as i shot my arms out manically. The blood tore through my veins, boiling my sanity as I prepared. I spun abruptly and turned back towards the hellish mannor. I caved the lock in and stormed up two flights of stairs till i faced a door adorned with one maroon number hanging tightly to the rotting wood. A snarl curled its way onto my face as i stoped for one brief moment, before entering room number seven.

I used to ride my bike alot.
I used to ride all over town.
Through wisps of night,
in dim street light,
i used to ride and ride around.

I used to love the sound it made,
as clicking chains would softly chime.
with wind in hair,
I'd breath the air.
And think of where I'd ride next time.

Now years have past as ive grown old.
My bike just sits outside and cold.
Waiting for that final day,
when I decide to ride away.


.

'... Jenvieve began her day with a large glass of orange juice and a slice of toast covered in peanut butter. She Would probably still be fast asleep had Vesmund, her dog not of been inclined to vigorously lick her left foot.

It was early afternoon on a Tuesday, though it didn't particularly matter to Jenvieve. This was because she recently convinced her employer that her parents had been killed by a pack of rabid zeebras, while visiting Africa for the first time. As such, she would need a few weeks off to mourn their loss.

Normally at this time of day, Jenvieve would be siting at her desk counting how many times per hour Harold (who sat directly across from her) sneezed. Although mildly entertaining, she was much happier siting at the dinner table where she currently was , eating peanut butter toast, and filling her mind with the delightfull muse that was written in the paper....'

Arrrrrg Mateeee

Today is the last day of work till my long awaited 10 day rest. Ohhh I'm so excited! The adventures I will have, the places I'll go, the lounging I'll do. Its bound to be the most wondrous of times. If i am lucky Mr sun will peek his Mr head from behind those hefty clouds and we will exchange glances. Of course, I will probably go blind due to my sensitive retina's, but that's OK, because I'll have like 9 more days to re-coup.

I'm going to try and not go on the stupid computer at all, my hands really need the rest. Instead I will play dog hockey with my dog and draw pictures of people that I hope never exsist. It will be grand!

Nicole and I will get drunk and lay in bed all day. We're also going to visit the aquarium and maybe see those famous otters that hold hands, I hear they're totally hot. Maybe we'll find a treasure and feel a bit like urban pirates. We may also go on a great excursion with Brian and Megan, I'm sure Brian will trip on something or break a glass and we'll have a nice laugh. I Will bring my camera and at the end of my vacation, have a plethora of photo's to chose from when making a new post.

Lets just hope I don't crash and die on my way home from work! :)

Roffffl

Yes, this is halarious, don't be alarmed.

Closer To the lung

The sweet lips of summer drip with anticipation.

I don't seem to be inclined to write about particular events these days... I rather prefer to to write in a sort of descriptive ambiance. I think that my brain may also be processing thoughts in a relatively similar manner. Of course, by describing this to you I am neglecting my desire in a most paradoxical way, but ignore that.

I don't think as a child I truly appreciated summer as I do now. I mean I loved the 'not having school' part of it, and the water fights, and the urine drinking competitions, but honestly, who didn't?

But seriously, I am an avid admirer of all the seasons, for they're respective benefits, but god, Summer, like fuck! just the smell of the nights, the scent of all those thriving flowers calmly swirling through the air. The warmth in which you can wear nothing and still be perfectly comfortable. Or the fact that almost any deftones song fits so perfectly with the vibe of the repeatedly sweet and soothing nights.

It will make you smile.

That whom need not be named.

He held a mirror to the subconscious, peering into the corners of the absent, into the places we'd rather not know existed. He guides us through the valley of horror's that we've tattooed ourselves in. Pulling the petals from the wounds, into truths we've swindled ourselves out of knowing. The wrinkles on their faces whisper of haunting memories and still we stare. He was my will, a visionary, compromising nothing to vest his self crypticly in each mark he left.

The cresent moon hummed a death note from each to the next. A thematic abortion of normality gloomed around a grining smile. The mystery that clouds our preception is magnifyed, though confused, we see it for what it is.

Gnarled limbs portrude from a sheathing garment, hooded in shadow. An apocalyptic aura gnaws our afermation in what we belive to be. We are doused in the vision of windowless towers that erect from the neglect of our desires. Only in the examination he has brought to us do we see through the haze, into the hollow caverns of our exsistance.

The soma of summer

Words tumble from the stream of my consciousness like fruit from a truck barreling down a dirt road. My eyes weigh heavy as I prepare for a night of billowing slumber. I am trapped between days and hours, swinging from the branches of commitment to boredom. The present folds its self meticulously, repeating till the now is nothing but a moment I hope to reminisce of. I struggle for words to chisel the picture from my mind but i find my self hopelessly eluded.

Let us fend for tomorrow. For a time where we can pause in the examination of the present, and chose a deliberation that will manifest itself into the midway of reality, fathomed only in the dreams that await.

Goodnight.

A Message From a Friend

A message from Fredrick Vonoughon:

Dear Friend, How have you been? Its been a long while since we've spoken, I'm sure you feared the sea's had gotten the best of me! You must have spent many sleepless nights awaiting a faithful letter, yet tragically, nothing arrived. I apologise for this dear friend, you see, I've been quite busy in my adventures and haven't had the time to tell you I'm still in one piece! Well at least now you can calm your nerves knowing i am safe and doing well.

I seems only fair for me to regale you with a few of the unbelievable tales of my travels, especially after waiting so long for this letter!

I suppose I should start somewhere near the beginning... It seems so long ago, when we parted ways... I set out to explore the unknown, with nothing but my the clothes on my back, and a few pence in my pocket. Yes, I was so naive back then... I set out, knowing nothing of the world, however a did posses a few skill that would work greatly to my advantage; a sharp wit, and the most nimble fingers this side of the Mediterranean!

As I left home, I trekked the land, for what seemed like months, till finally I spotted a native transport making its way over the rigorous terrain and screamed out for it. Eventually it stopped and I negotiated with the captain (for a small sum) to let me ride it till I reached my destination, wherever that may be.

The things we saw, where amazing my friend, all sorts of markets you could imagine, huge mammoth structures reaching out to the gods, and strange foreign people, in bizarre garments. Yes I do believe I saw it all.

Suddenly the captain ordered everyone off the vassal immediately, (I believe it was an ambush) so I jumped off and ran as fast as my legs could carry me.

I don't know what happened after this but the next thing I remember was standing on a a towering plank, looking down at deep blue water.

'Jump' the pirates screamed.

'jump now', they commanded.

I thought this would be it, the end of my life. Fed the the sharks lashing in the depths below yet I had no alternative, so I jumped.

Splash!

I smacked the water and swam for my life, heaving aqua as I climbed the sea , farther and farther, not knowing where to go.

After exhausting myself I was eventually rescued by a hero from the 'guards of life' He must of though I was handsome because he tried to kiss me passionately, I kindly refused after a breif moment.

I am safe now friend, I hope this letter finds you, and you can tell the world of my adventures.

Sincerely , your friend, freddy.

P.S They have futuristic robots that drink urine here! I'm going to ask one out on a date, wish me luck!

fredrickv122@hotmail.com

Fred took the bus to the pool where he went swimming yesterday.... He kind of likes to exaggerate.

Holographic themes

I was driving into delta tonight to watch what was left of the Canucks game at a friends house. I was surprised as I merged on the highway by the prevalent psychedelic colors of the sky. A very vivid blue collided passionately with the searing orange on what was probably the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen in my entire life. The hole sky was painted in purple orange and blue, it was fucking mesmerising. In fact, I almost crashed about 3 times because my eyes could not escape its beauty.

Now the name of my blog is called tragic thoughts, and this is why... I didn't have my fucking camera. I was considering bringing it for fun but I figured we'd just be siting around watching the game and didn't bother. And look what I missed. LOOK WHAT I FUCKING MISSED!!!

My memories and petty descriptions give this event no justice what so ever. As I drove across the Alex Frazer half considering swerving off the edge , I was screaming fragments of words in anger. Why couldn't have I just brought the damn camera with me? GIAAA GGGJHRH FUCK FUCK FUCK! Well, at least Ive learned a lesson... The hard way, as it may be...

Fucking tragic.

so here is a picture 300 times not as good as the one I was describing.

Spring is here again.

Because I am such a fan of new beginings, I thought I would start a brand new blog from scratch. Ive kept all my old entries; as you can see below. Perhaps some time I'll repost a couple of the funny ones.

Unfortunatly my head is void of any substantial thought at this moment in time so I will save you the task of reading a stream of running words.

Hello.