Pragnosis

Sooooooo, im like totally pumped! guess why!....!...


omg no!

Gosh, i don't think you'll like, ever guess it so I'll just have to tell you. but get ready..

are you siting?
While then maybe you should stand because this news will hit you so hard it might just break your chair and i freaking don't want to be responsible for that. Honestly, i just wouldn't be able to afford reimbursing all these people for their damaged chairs and such, i mean some chairs cost like 3 or 4 hundred dollars, plus tax. Even one person claiming damages would cost me around 350 dollars, so sorry 'bout that but i just can't allow it.

But yeah, I'm so totally pumped for this news!!! I told my friend Becky and she seriously shit her pants! I wish i could say this was a clean shit but unfortunately thats not the case, her bowels turned on like a faucet from hell. Not to mention that it just so happened she was attending a wedding at the time of the shitting when i called, so she was dressed all in white, lawl. wrong place and wrong time i guess, but who can you blame? not me, thats for sure, i won't be held responsible for someone not being able to control their bowels, thats just fucking crazy so don't even try it beckster!

Anyways so the news!!! 'god, spit it out you tosser', hehe, i bet thats what your all thinking, i was just toying with yah' but now its time to get to the goods. This is something you won't want to miss so make sure your wearing your glasses if your visions poor and contact lenses for those who are fashion sensitive. Frankly i think glasses can look fashionable too, as long as they suit you, otherwise they can really give an impression that no body wants to portray (except somebody with cock breath). I kind of like those cats eye glasses however, or the black frames that are rectangular; circular glasses are lame though, endless you want to be looking like harry tosser, hahahaha. That was a reference to harry potter btw, the character in the books titled harry potter by h.k rowling. They are basically about this wizarding boy toy Harry and his lovers going on sexual adventures of a lifetime all over the wizarding world, its fucking erotic shit, i suggest you check it out.

anyways back on topic. So yeah the other day, i found out some serious shit and i almost fucking spontaneously combusted, but yeah here it goes. for the last little while I've been constantly putting on weight, you know a pound here and a pound there and i was like wtf but then i was lying in bed jerking off and it dawned on me... i must be fucking pregnant!!!i figure i somehow swallowed a bit of my own sperm during frantic masturbation session and bang 7 months later here we are! A sweet little baby boy or girl swirling around in my stomach and i didn't even know it!!! my guess is that little bugger will pop out in around a month or two and I'm just so happy i can't even describe it. it will be great, when he gets out we'll be the best of pals, ill teach him how to aqua blast, smuggle heroin and kill a prostitute instead of paying her, then when he learns to crawl we can have fist fights and slapping matches. I'll let him drive the car while i scream obscenity's at elderly people on the street. And if he is a girl, i can trade him for a boy and treat him poorly because he is not my real son, the bastard...:D it will be grand. Maaaaaaaaan, we're going to rip on Becky so hard for being incontinent, right to her face, haha it well be good times, i can't wait!!!!!

To children!